Our Master said 'Love one another, as you are loved.' (Part 4)

"First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift." [Matthew 5:24]

Part 4: When Sparks Fly

Note: If you only have time to read one article today, skip this and read Schaeffer’s article recommended below.

There is so much godly, practical wisdom in the Bible on handling conflicts. Here are a few great examples:

• “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” [Ephesians 4:26]. This means we must 1) deal with our conflicts and 2) deal with them quickly. There’s nothing magical about sundown—he just means take care of the situation before it gets buried in bitterness, before it snowballs, or before it becomes something much worse. So if sundown comes before we take care of things, that doesn’t mean we’re off the hook…

• “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” [Matthew 18:15f] Which means that, 1) we go (we don’t ignore it, we don’t wait for him, we don’t leave a message, we don’t send a scathing email—we go), and 2) we go alone at first (don’t bring a support group—even in conversation: “We all think that…”, “…and I’m not the only one!”), and 3) we go in person.

• “…in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” [Philippians 2:3]. For our purpose, this means walk in preemptive forgiveness. That’s not the same as preemptive anger management; the absence of anger is not the presence of love.¹ It means walk with a tendency, a leaning, a habit, of forgiveness. But this presents us with a huge problem—that is completely against our nature! That can’t be dong by willpower! So, how does it become second nature? (We’ll come back to that in a moment.)

And there is other great advice:

• We must learn to “…make a distinction between errors and persons” ² –that is, to separate people from their ideas, and we must learn to separate ourselves from our ideas. We can love people and still challenge their ideas without making it personal. And, we can still have our ideas challenged without taking it personally. All of us want our iron sharp, and when “iron sharpens iron,” sparks fly. It’s just part of the process. Sometimes our ideas, attitudes, or behaviors are so far out of line we need correction. (When I spent a summer framing houses, I often came across twisted or warped 2x4s. Some I could force into place with my hands and nail them, but others required the use of my (beautiful, 20 oz. Estwing® framing) hammer. But some were so far out of line I had to bring out the sledgehammer—which we nicknamed “The Motivator.”) Sometimes we need a good, loving, dose of ‘motivation’ for the sake of the house of God. We just need to give and receive it in genuine and visible love, remembering that “the wounds of a friend are faithful.” [Proverbs 27:6]

So there are many great guidelines and principles to apply in our attempt to love one another in the midst of conflict. But there’s a huge problem. These guidelines require that something else has happened, and is happening, deep in our heart. Jesus says that “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” [Luke 6:45]. No amount of anger management will help. Something deep inside of us needs to change, and continue changing each day. That something is self. That something is pride.

The best medicine for pride and antidote for self is the gospel—straight up. Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, a great preacher in England in the 50s, said that a Christian is “at bottom, a man whose mouth has been stopped.”³ [Romans 3:19] In our own power, we can do nothing but bring about the wrath of God. We were wretched, poor, miserable, blind and naked, sinners, without hope, doomed and hell-bound:

“…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” [Romans 5:8]

“But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;” [1 Corinthians 1:27, KJV]

“but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able;” [1 Corinthians 10:13, KJV]

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” [Ephesians 2:4-9]

We have nothing that we have not received from God! [1 Corinthians 4:7]

We are completely undeserving, yet he “has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places…”! [Ephesians 1:3]

We were his enemies, yet he “has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence”! [2 Peter 1:3]

We “were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds,” yet “he has now reconciled [us] in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present [us] holy and blameless and above reproach before him”!! [Colossians 1:22-23]

We deserve endless torment in hell, yet he has prayed [John 17:24] and paid [Acts 20:28, Hebrews 9:12] that we might be with him where he is, to look upon his Glory! And to be in his presence where there is fullness of joy, and pleasures forever more! [Psalm 16:11]

It’s nearly unfathomable! When we think long and hard on this, we ought to be utterly broken, and filled with humility and joy and thankfulness toward our God for his grace and mercy! Freely we have received, and freely we must give. It’s a lesson we must learn—and I’m convinced it must be learned—for if we forgive, we shall be forgiven, yet if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven. [Matthew 6:14-15]

So the best lesson on how to walk in humility and forgiveness is to gain a deep understanding of how much we’ve been forgiven. It’s the essence of the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-35. Once I prayed:

“Father, please forg—“

“You are forgiven,” he answered, before I finished.

“Father, teach me how to forgive.”

“You are forgiven. And that is your lesson on forgiveness,” he replied.

Loving Christ means loving one another, because he has asked it—even commanded it (love turns wishes into joyfully obeyed commands). To those who don’t yet know the powerful, Lion-like shepherd, his word is all command. And they would be right. But to those who’ve tasted and seen that he is good, they don’t sound like commands; they sound like life-saving, loving instruction from the Shepherd and Bishop of our soul [1 Peter 2:25]. And his commands can become easier—even a source of delight: “…for I find my delight in your commandments, which I love.” [Psalm 119:47]

So let’s marinate our minds, hearts, and lives in God’s word, think on his greatness and our weakness and his mercy and his glory and our joy and be humble, thankful, merciful sons of our Father in heaven! For as Christiana Rossetti wrote in her Sonnet of Sonnets⁴, we cannot love God without loving one another, and we cannot love one another without loving God.

Recommendations

[article] Francis Schaeffer’s The Mark of a Christian. What is the ‘final apologetic’ for Christianity? Schaeffer offers a convincing argument, and a strong exhortation. If you’re not yet familiar with Schaeffer, here’s an excellent introduction. (Also available in book form.)

[book] Chapters 25 & 26 of Garry Friesen’s Decision-Making and the Will of God. Very practical wisdom for handling disagreements, differences, and the occasional Pharisee who feels the need to remind you that you’re not perfect. Part 4 alone is worth the price of this book.

[page] Jonathan Edwards’ Resolutions. While many of us have given up on making resolutions, these are a great inspiration for aiming at a life of obedience and devotion and holiness. Use only as directed. #10 is reminiscent of the ‘big toe’ incident a few months back, which I shared with you. I especially like #22 – let me know which ones stick out to you!